My new song “Fade” is finally out today! Listen to it on Bandcamp, along with the original demo I wrote with Henry Decrier! Check them both out, I love how different they are while both exploring and expressing the same pain and defiance in their own ways.
Fade T-shirts and other new merch are also now available in my store 😀
I really hope you like it, I think this is my favourite song I’ve released to date! I’ve written a bit about the meaning on the Bandcamp page, and my cult members have heard even more details, but in short, it’s about struggling to survive, however you need to at the time. The song is cathartic and motivational, but without being unrealistic.
As well as the meaning though, I’m also really happy with it from a musical perspective too! I love that it uses both extremes of my voice, the semi-classical high cleans vs the gnarly false cord screams, and does it with all the emotional catharsis that I love about singing. On top of that, it’s also the most dynamically complex song I’ve ever written, and I’m really pleased with how I met the challenge of having to rewrite it after the original black metal band didn’t go ahead. It turned out so much better than I thought I could ever do! Before I decided to tackle it myself, I’d actually given my vocals to two other musicians I was trying to collaborate with, but those versions never really hit the mark, and both projects collapsed before anything could come of it. It was actually a good thing though, because if they hadn’t let me down, Fade wouldn’t be what it has become today!
I’m also glad I was able to release it today. As I’ve mentioned before on my socials, today is the first anniversary of saying goodbye to my soul dog Hope. That was such a traumatic time for me. After so many medical issues throughout his life, I’d finally gotten him to the best health he’d ever had and things seemed fine, but he suddenly developed cluster seizures from a suspected brain tumour. Rather than subject him to scans and treatments that would likely be futile and stressful, I had to make the call to let him go, at home, surrounded by people he loved, and free from the anxiety of having to go to the vet. It was the ending I always wanted for him, but I still get emotional thinking about why I had to make that decision, and I’m not exaggerating when I say I almost followed him. But that’s why I needed to do something special today, both in his memory, and to give me something else to focus on. And I can’t think of a better song than one about managing to survive despite so much pain.
I released the song at 1:30pm, around the same time we said goodbye a year ago. 💔
I’ll be doing a livestream listening party on YouTube this evening (8pm Sydney time) where we can talk more about all the things! I can’t guarantee I won’t cry lol.
Thank you so much everyone for all your support, and also your patience! This song has been four years in the making, but after getting through some of the darkest points in my life to date, this is honestly the perfect time for its themes.
🖤❤️🩹🖤
In Memory of Hope Mochi Gray 11/5/12 – 23/11/23
Special thanks to Henry Decrier for allowing me to publish our original demo as a bonus track! Without you, this song would not exist.
Thanks also to: Kit Wing Fu who was there for me when I didn’t realise just how much I’d need it that day; my Wise Godmother and my brother Dave who’ve let me vent some seriously distressing stuff; Noctica, whose music, realness, and journey helped provide the spark I needed to get this done; Edmond Thommen forever supporting my wordsmithing; my psychologist now that I finally found the right one; my Cult of Destructionism on Patreon, especially Arn of the Apocalypse, Nervous Neuron, and Schizoid Angst; all my friends, family, and other supporters; and my puppy Triton AKA Orical Hope For Atlantis, who saved my life and got me back into the world again.
