A song of survival.

Released on 23 November 2024, the first anniversary of my soul dog Hope’s passing. That hit me so hard that I almost did end it.

The story of the song is much longer than that however. You can read more about the traumatic themes it explores, the history of its creation, and the musical elements I incorporated on the Bandcamp page and on my release day blog, both of which explore different angles.

In a nutshell, it’s about fighting depression, while also giving oneself the space to rest. However I’ve kept the lyrics nonspecific enough that it can be applied to many other struggles, and I invite the listener to take whatever interpretation they need.

This track and the original black metal demo are available for download on Bandcamp.

“The Truth” is an electro-industrial song with metal-style vocals exploring the inner conflict against one’s own demons and repressed shadow. The split of the personality is represented by the changes between clean and harsh vocals, while the lyrics open inside the landscape of the mind, gradually transitioning to the real world as the beast within begins to take over and break free. Written, recorded, and “forgotten” about in 2019, this song explores a central theme of DestroyerMariko as an entity.

Although I performed this song at open mics before the lockdowns of 2020 and 2021, it was not until Jade invited me to perform with her at the Eternity metal aerials showcase (video below) that I finally came back to it and decided to release it as a single in 2022.

This track is available for download on Bandcamp.

Released in 2018, this conceptual music project looks at the difficulties of being an asexual* person, while also breaking the conventions currently prevalent in asexual creative culture. I drew heavily from my own experiences to inform my lyrics, rather than relying on the usual clichés about things like cake, and stubbornly defied the paradoxical difficulty of talking about asexuality without having to mention sex. I also did this in my own sonic style, influenced by my background in industrial and heavy metal music, genres usually untouched by explicitly asexual music and musicians.

However, the EP was important to me for more than just its exploration of this one aspect of my life. It also came about after a long period of depression, so deep and dark that I hadn’t been able to make any music in that time, and which resulted in the ongoing hiatus of my previous band Rainbow Death Ray. Being able to come out of that depression and return to my music as a soloist, even performing on stage, has done so much to restore my confidence in myself as a creative artist.

The EP is available for download on Bandcamp.

*Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others.

4 years in the making, A.D. Millennium and DestroyerMariko deliver a sonic fuck you to a world in decay with the debut EP, “Generation Excess”

Released in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic, A.D.Destroyer is an industrial metal collaboration by noisemaker A.D. Millennium and myself on vocals as DestroyerMariko. It is easily my most exciting project to date, and while mostly completed together online, we do have plans to eventually gig once lockdown restrictions sufficiently ease. To stay up to date with future events, follow our page on Facebook.

I first came into contact with the multi-talented A.D. through a mutual Facebook friend, but had already been familiar with his work in Viral Millennium. We quickly connected over our shared misanthropy and disdain for the failings of society, and merged our perspectives into A.D.Destroyer to produce our debut EP “Generation Excess”. An aggressive critique of humanity, this release explores a number of themes including war, ecological destruction, and interpersonal conflict.

The EP is available for download on Bandcamp, and is also streaming on all major platforms including Spotify.

In late 2015, my band Rainbow Death Ray successfully crowdfunded and released our debut EP. Combining electronic pop and heavy metal vibes, our music was a taste of something a little different.

On this record, I performed vocals, played a 5-string electric violin, and programmed the backing tracks including drums.

For me, this EP was a big deal. I’d been in other bands before, but this was the first one where we put together a professionally made release. Adding to that accomplishment, I personally poured a huge amount of myself into the record. The songs on this EP were all written by me, and I also took on the role of recording engineer, graphic designer, and general manager, while simultaneously taking charge of our crowdfunding campaign. This EP was one of my biggest achievements at the time, and I thank my band members, friends, family, and our wonderful fans for their contributions and support.

Download the free digital version of the EP from our Bandcamp page, or purchase the physical CD from the shop.

While I attempted to start and join many bands over the years, I consider this to be my first “real” band, in the sense that we actually went out there and gigged. Given the struggles I’ve had to be accepted as a vocalist in the metal scene, I really appreciated the guys giving me a go, and allowing me to rewrite most of the songs to fit my voice. These demo tracks were made by me first recording them in rehearsal on my Zoom H4n, then dubbing over my vocals and violin.

This was also the band that lead to me getting a crash course in band management. Despite being the newest member, I somehow fell into that role, and even started organising and promoting gigs from scratch. Straight into the deep end, I made plenty of mistakes but learned a lot.

We didn’t have a proper release during my time with them, but you can still listen to our prog metal demo tracks on ReverbNation.